In 2011 I arrived in a country I believed to be, in its bones, honest about itself.
This was a reasonable belief assembled from available evidence. America had a free press, an independent judiciary, constitutional protections for speech and assembly, a tradition of institutional self-examination that produced, among other things, the report that exposed its own intelligence agencies’ abuses, the journalism that brought down a president, the legislation that acknowledged its treatment of Japanese Americans during World War Two as a wrong requiring redress. These were not performances. They were real instances of a country looking at itself and finding cause for correction.
I had come from a context where institutional self-examination was rarer and more dangerous. The comparison was not unfavourable to America.
Over fifteen years I have revised this belief — not abandoned, but complicated in ways that make the original version look like the view from outside a building before you have lived in it for a decade.
The revision did not happen in a single moment. It accumulated across a series of events, each explicable in isolation, but which assembled into a pattern visible only across the full span. The pattern is this: America is capable of extraordinary public honesty about its past and extraordinary public dishonesty about its present. The distance between these two capacities, and the uses to which that distance is put, is what I mean by underhanded.
The country that built the National Museum of African American History and Culture — which I visited in August 2023 — also built and maintains systems whose current effects are continuous with the history the museum documents. The museum is genuine. The documentation is genuine. The gap between the acknowledgment and the adjustment is the thing worth examining.
I want to be precise about what this is not. It is not anti-Americanism, a category I find lazy and imprecise. I have lived here for fifteen years and hold this country with genuine complexity — gratitude and critique existing in the same breath, which is how adults hold complicated things.
It is not the observation that America is uniquely flawed. What is distinctive about America’s version is the sophistication of the acknowledgment infrastructure — the museums, the commissions, the apologies — which creates the impression that the gap has been closed more fully than it has.
I arrived believing what the acknowledgment infrastructure describes. I now also see the gap. Both the belief and the gap are real. The country is large enough to contain both, and has been for a long time.
I am writing this down because the outsider position sometimes sees the gap more clearly than the inside does. Not always. Sometimes the outsider simply misunderstands. But sometimes the distance is the method, and what the distance shows is worth saying.
These notes were made between June 2011 and the present.
I started writing them down in 2026.
The gap is not an absence — it is the difference between experiencing something
and understanding it well enough to put it on a page.